Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i now understand why vodka
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
