I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
