Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
