I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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