I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
