Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
