so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
