seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
