new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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