I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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