threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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