are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
