As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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