You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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