I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
