I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
