He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
