And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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