he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Found the puke drawer
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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