too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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