AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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