you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
