Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
