I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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