When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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