Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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