I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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