Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
