It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The air was thick with penises
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
