I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
