We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
