I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize