i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize