Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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