My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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