My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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