Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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