he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
