You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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