We won't sleep together?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
