what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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