she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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