Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
