so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
