I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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