yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
