Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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