This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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