i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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