So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
