I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
