I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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