she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
