Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
