I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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