All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
