I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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