I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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