the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
