Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
