The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
