Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
