so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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