she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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