did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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