Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
