put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
