Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
