she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize