She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
