either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
