I must be too annoying 4 u.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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