margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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