yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
