Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
