I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
