wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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