when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
