That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
