Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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