P.S. I can't hear my feet
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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