I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't turn off my feet"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
