Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
