I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
