"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
4 words: hood of his car
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
