I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
